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Part 2 - Avoidant Attachment
08:02

Part 2 - Avoidant Attachment

Link to Intro video: https://youtu.be/XP9GVPwYUQ8 If you're watching this video and you identify with these characteristics, then there are ways that you can seek to move more towards a secure attachment with others. How can you do that? The first step will be to make intentional choices to open up to safe people through vulnerability. Obviously, not everyone is safe, so some discretion is necessary. But extending trust is what creates intimacy, not the other way around. It may feel like you’re losing preciously guarded control, so at some point, you will need to risk! That's the exploring. Try letting other people into your rich internal world. Take down the mask of self-reliance, give voice to and share your concerns, hopes, fears, dreams, and disappointments. Think of ways to verbalize encouragement or gratitude to others. This will take you into uncomfortable, relational territory. So take note of the ways that you escape or checkout. Think of ways that you can let someone else be there for you. It's worth the risk. Again, it's good to remember that this is a spectrum, so you may notice certain relational styles to some degree or another but they may not be inhibiting how you connect in all relationships. The bell curve might also serve as a metaphor to the hill it will feel like you're climbing as you make efforts to go against the default responses that you've cultivated over a lifetime. Remember, attachment styles are not personality types like extroversion or thinkers/feelers. Though, it may be the undercurrent that drives your personality to a particular imbalance. So when you recognize your defenses going up or deep urges one way or another in relationships, it's okay! Be glad that you're even aware and let that be an opportunity to start making choices for how you'd like to grow in understanding yourself and others. The desire for connection and attunement with others is a good thing! It's our bad strategies that give us disordered desires.
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